Gentle Readers,
It has come to my attention that the most insightful, relevant, and important publication in the history of magazines, The Bark, has in its current issue a thought-provoking article on the dynamics of petting. The esteemed Dr. Patricia B. McConnell purports that there is, in fact, a right and a wrong way to pet your dog. As you might imagine, this has fomented a good deal of debate in our household. My charming colleague Morgane argues that there exists no such thing as an incorrect petting time, place, or methodology. Belly rubs, ear scritches, head pats – she will take them anywhere she can get them. I am not saying that she is indiscriminate with her affections…all right, I suppose I am. Not that there's anything wrong with that – it is just not how I, Mordred T. Dog, choose to roll.
I will always happily receive all manner of pets and pats from my Daddy, and the Girl who sits close to him on the couch indeed possesses a deft hand with the tummy rubs and neck-fur ruffling. Would that all who wished to lay hands upon my luxurious pelt were so skilled, but sadly, such is not the case. Oh, the tales I could tell you of wrong-direction fur strokes, ear yanks, and head pats administered as if my noble skull were instead a bouncy, red playground ball. The horror. The indignity. The ouchiness.
But I am not seeking your pity, dear friends. Rather, I would like to enlist your support for my initiative to include a mandatory dog-petting education curriculum in schools all across the land. Such a program would provide two-legged young people with a most pleasurable interaction with representatives of our canine community, participating pooches would have their fill of attention, hugs, and cuddles, and, most importantly, it would assure competent and un-annoying pettings for future generations of dogs.
If not for me, then won't you at least do it for the puppies?
M.T.D.
