Theater in the Hound.

Gentle readers,

Over the past year, I have made no secret of my love for the arts both performative and literary, and in fact have shared with you several bits of doggerel from my forthcoming volume of poetical musings, “Heaves of Grass”. Therefore, it should come as no great surprise to readers that my Daddy considers me his go-to dog when he arrives home from some art-seeing and wishes to have a critical discussion/his feet licked.

It would seem that he and our Mommy Girl took in a not-especially tasty morsel of Artistic Theater the other evening wherein a fuzzily-faced young man had the very large gall to pretend to be a dog for fifteen minutes. I believe that all two-leggers should indeed at some point aspire to understand the world from our eye-level, but to do so, and not lick a single face? To nap at no point, contemplate not the raising of a leg on unfamiliar objects, sniff nary a hindquarter, and sit uninterested in the exploration of the nearby cupcake plate? For shame, and I thump my tail crankily at the slop of his craft.

To scamper about on all fours, beg for goldfish crackers and lean upon various pant legs is just to be a rather ordinary toddler-sized human person. There is method and art to a Genuine Dog’s sniffery, discretion in our leaning partners, and an almost overwhelming interest in the tail sections of all manner of creatures – no matter their leg count. We seek to learn the world (not to mention the delicious treats contained therein) with our nose parts, and to not understand that is to not understand what it is to be Dog.

Should any two-legged citizens of the world seek to hone their dog-being craft, I am offering a two-day intensive workshop entitled “Nose Knows: On Peeing and Snuffingness”. It will be held in the alley behind A&S Pork on 5th Avenue in the Brooklyn, and the price of admission is cake.

Yours,

M.T.D.